


(boy) i need to get you off my mind

by thenervousduck



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bad Decisions, Hook-Up, Light Smut, M/M, alcohol consumption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26727241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenervousduck/pseuds/thenervousduck
Summary: Calum considered his options. He figured he could do ‘the right thing’—walk away and tell Ashton they shouldn’t be doing this without talking about it first. Or he could do what he wanted to do, but had been too afraid to let himself have all these years.or the one where Calum and Ashton hook up and it doesn't go as planned.
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	(boy) i need to get you off my mind

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this back in June but I was super new to this fandom and it was really rough but with the help of @/creampiecashton being my beta/cheerleader/supporter and @/eternalgoldfish invaluable advice & support as well (seriously thank you to both of you so much) it’s finally to place that I’m ready to share with the world. 
> 
> This is the first fic I’ve written and I’m super excited to share it. Also, you should know this fic was directly inspired by 5sos covering Dancing With A Stranger that I basically just created a backstory for based on personal experience. For legal purposes, I don't actually think this happened it's just a work of fiction blah blah don't sue me. 
> 
> Lastly, I just want to address that I recognize and respect that Ashton is sober now, however, at the time this is supposed to be occurring pretend that hasn't happened yet.

There were so many other places Calum would rather be at this moment. He was young, he was hot, he had the means to travel. Maybe first he'd go to Tokyo? Perfect. He could get lost in a sea of people shuffling through their lives and go practically unnoticed. And then after that maybe L.A.! Find himself in a Hollywood club and later in the bed of a faceless stranger (who would definitely not be a replacement for anyone with bright red hair, piercing hazel eyes, and a smile that would knock your socks off) The final stop might be back home to Sydney. It'd been too long since he'd seen his parents. He'd have to get Mali to come along too. She was the only one (besides his band of brothers) that could heal him from the inside out. 

But he was getting ahead of himself, considering any minute now a producer would be showing him and the rest of the guys into the recording studio for BBC Radio 1, so that they could perform a special cover of ‘Dancing With A Stranger’. They’d practiced and perfected this version in London upon their arrival the day before last for a special video recording of their cover in the Live Lounge. Calum was not only weary of being stuck in close proximity to Ashton all day, but he also didn’t want to think about the lyrics he’d be singing. 

During their time practicing, they’d all agreed that Calum would sing the second verse because ‘ _ He put so much feeling into it _ ’ The thought made him laugh. If only they knew. 

The tension in the green room was starting to make Calum sweat. Luke was scrolling through his phone and giggling intermittently, pretending like he was unaffected by the mood that had taken over the four of them. Michael was on the phone with Crystal saying good morning (the time difference from London to L.A. made it hard for them to talk, so Michael took every opportunity he could to do so). And Ashton? He could care less about what Ashton was doing. 

Honestly. He didn't care one bit. From the moment they arrived at the studio, Calum was the first one out of the van and didn't wait for the other guys before heading inside. He'd been sitting in the same position on the small loveseat since they arrived ten minutes prior, head leaned back against the top of the couch, eyes closed, hands folded in his lap. If any of the guys asked he'd tell them he was meditating, focusing his mind before the performance. It sounded like bullshit even to his own ears. Maybe he could fake being sick or dying. Or maybe he'd just walk out the door and never come back. They didn't really need him today, right? 

Calum laughed at himself internally; the dramatics were getting a little out of control. He and Ashton weren't even technically ‘together’. Whatever that meant. They had no privacy to be together. Tour life made it impossible to keep up what they had started back in L.A. during their time off. Not that anything had been started. It was just this. Thing. This thing that they didn't talk about. Not even before they went back to work. Before they went back to touring with two other grown men in close proximity, and a team of people whose job it was every day to keep them going from one place to the next. 

Calum was used to not having to share Ashton with anyone. Not even Luke and Michael. He had forgotten just how enchanting and charming Ashton was to those around him. The simplest smile and polite ‘thank you’ from Ashton's mouth normally rendered the receiving of such an exchange, speechless. But how could he blame them? Ashton was gorgeous and funny and attracted others to him like moths to a flame. Maybe he'd just gotten used to being selfish with Ashton's attention. He'd spent as much time as Ash would allow him to at the older man's house during their time off.

Hell, he'd practically taken up residence in Ashton’s guest room. It had even become an inside joke between the two of them that they might as well put a ‘Property of Calum Hood’ sign on the guest room door. They'd spent time writing music together, doing yoga, cooking dinner, taking Duke on walks, working in Ashton's garden. If Calum found himself letting his heart run away with his head and fantasizing that there was something more than just friendship building between him and Ashton, well, that was no one’s business but his own. They even had the occasional night out on the town letting off steam with dancing and booze. 

It had started off that they'd be each other’s wingman; it was a good routine. Ashton was pretty enough and confident enough in himself to help Calum pick up on guys. Calum was genuine and easy to trust, so much so that women flocked to him. When he made them aware that they weren't his ‘type’, it was easy to introduce them to his ‘best friend in the entire world and an all-around good guy’, Ashton. He pointedly ignored the pit in his stomach every time he had to watch a beautiful girl wrap her arms around Ashton’s neck on the dance floor, while he himself pretended to be at all interested in the guy he’d picked up on that night. 

Maybe that sounded heartless but it wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy their company. Quite the opposite actually; he was an attractive young man with an intense libido after all, and he knew he was a giving and talented lover. But it was easier to pretend to be interested in random, pretty men than to face his feelings— ones that definitely didn't exist anyway— for his best friend. 

But after a few awkward morning afters with men and women doing the walk of shame from their respective sleeping quarters, Ashton very casually mentioned that ‘Maybe next time we just keep it you and I, ya? A boy’s night out? No distractions?’ Calum agreed. If he was at all honest with himself, he would have been slightly excited at the possibility of having Ashton all to himself. But he didn't think much of it, honestly. That is until the next time they went out just a few days shy of their departure for London. 

They’d only been at the club for just under an hour, but they both had managed to do quite a bit of damage in that short time. Calum noticed that Ashton had been doing shots all night, which was a red flag, because he’d sworn off anything harder than the occasional beer—if that. Most often these days, he hardly drank when they went out. Doing shots was normally Calum’s routine, but tonight he’d kept it simple with some fruity thing with a cute umbrella. 

Calum made his way to the dance floor, getting lost in the moving bodies and relishing in feeling free and floaty when he felt a pair of strong fingers grip his hips, breath hitching at the sudden contact. 

“It’s me,” Ashton said simply in his ear, slurring just a touch. 

"Ash, what-" He trailed off. 

Unable to even form any words. He could feel Ashton lean in close, mouth coming to his ear from behind, shouting over the music. 

“Don't think about it, Cal. Don't think. Just feel. You looked like you felt so good out here, dancing to the music. I had to know what you felt like” And because Calum had no self-control when it came to Ashton, he complied with his best friend’s request. He didn’t think, just felt. 

He let his hips move to the music, his hands coming to rest overtop Ashton's that had made their way around the front of his waist. He focused his mind on their bodies close together, his back slick with sweat, sticking to Ashton’s front from the open chest of his button-up shirt. They stayed that way, Calum’s back to Ashton’s front, for the entire song. Calum, self consciously, was mindful to keep as much of a distance from Ashton as physically possible considering their close proximity. 

But Ashton seemed to catch on at some point because he was in Calum’s ear again saying, “Cal you gotta relax. You’re the tensest I think I’ve ever felt you. It’s just me. Just Ashton.”

While his hands went from Calum’s front to his back and up to his shoulders, giving three tight squeezes in a row in an attempt to loosen him up. Calum gave a little shake of his arms and shoulders, and found himself finding his rhythm again. 

When Ashton seemed satisfied that Calum was properly relaxed, his hands found Calum’s waist once more, but this time, he pulled him in close. So close that Calum couldn’t ignore the thick, hard press of Ashton’s dick to his own ass. It sent a shock through his system straight down to his own dick, heat pooling in his stomach. 

He couldn’t control the audible groan that left his mouth, head lulling backward onto Ashton’s shoulder. He could feel the bass vibrating through his body, muddling the way Ashton’s heart was pounding in his chest. Ashton’s lips trailed open-mouthed kisses down Calum’s neck, coming to rest in the sweet spot where his neck met his shoulder. He sucked and bit until he was satisfied with his work, Calum’s body responding instantly, grinding back on Ashton as if his life depended on it. 

  
  


The tension building in Calum was too much. His head was spinning, quite literally  _ spinning _ . Ashton had turned Calum around to face him, the younger man’s eyes coming back into focus to a very sweaty, very turned on Ashton. His arms moved of their own accord, finding their way to Ashton’s neck, fingers mindlessly tracing the tattoo that resided there. Calum went to speak, mouth opening in protest—they shouldn’t be doing this without talking about it first—but Ashton’s finger came up to gently rest over his lips in a ‘shushing’ motion. 

“Don’t. Please don’t ruin it, Cal. If you say anything now, it’ll ruin the moment. Just let me have this.” Ashton’s hands wound around to Calum’s back, fingers finding their way underneath his shirt, skin hot and slick with sweat from all their dancing together. 

He mentally repeated Ashton’s words back to himself, ‘ _ just let me have this’ _ , what did that even mean? His alcohol muddled brain didn't have the energy to decipher that code right now; it’d have to wait for a more sobering time. Calum considered his options. He figured he could do ‘the right thing’—walk away and tell Ashton they shouldn’t be doing this without talking about it first. 

Or he could do what he wanted to do, but had been too afraid to let himself have all these years. 

The look on Ashton’s face was pleading. Like he had never wanted anything more in his life than he did at that moment for Calum not to speak. And who was Calum to deny the request of his best friend? Calum smiled gently, hoping Ashton would understand, fingers stilling in their motions on his neck. He tentatively leaned in closer to the red-haired man, mouths close enough to touch but not quite, giving Ashton permission to pull away if Calum misunderstood. 

Ashton’s eyes were shining when his lips found Calums, kissing him as if it was his last breath. It was passionate and bruising, biting and soothing, tongue and teeth, and messy. It was all their built-up tension finally finding release. 

Calum found his voice pulling away from Ashton and pulling him off the dance floor towards the exit, “Come on, let’s go. We should go home.” 

Ashton’s fingers were tracing patterns into Calum’s palm as their hands lay between them in the backseat of the Lyft. Calum sat next to him in silence trying to control the butterflies running rampant in his tummy. As they made it back to Ashton’s house, stumbling in together, they’d shed their clothes in a fury, letting them lie wherever they dropped. 

Ashton laid Calum out on his bed once they were both completely undressed, arms resting on either side of his head, pausing their kisses to stare into each other’s eyes. Calum thought he saw something there, something almost sad, that confused him more than anything else so far that evening, but once again his desire won out over his resolve to do the right thing. 

Calum ran his hands up into Ashton’s hair and pulled him down, kissing him tenderly. There was no need to rush now. Ashton’s arms gave way and his body fit perfectly into Calum’s, their passion finally meeting in pure bliss. Calum discovered that night that their chemistry went deeper than friendship. Their bodies responded to each other in ways neither of them had felt with another lover before. It was magical. As both he and Ashton reached their climax together it hit him like a ton of bricks. 

He loved Ashton. They’d made love. It wasn’t just a hookup; at least not for him anyway. And he voiced as much, the barely audible  _ ‘I love you, Ash’ _ slipping from Calum’s mouth before he even had time to register was happening. Ashton shuddered above him, eyes screwed shut tight, coming down from his climax, forehead resting against Calum’s. 

Their breath mingled and neither of them spoke. Ashton’s lack of response was entirely too much to be facing at that moment. So Calum let himself be pulled into Ashton’s chest wordlessly. Ashton’s fingers running soothingly up and down Calum’s spine. As they drifted off to sleep, Calum had an aching feeling they’d both just made a huge mistake. 

Later in the early hours of the morning, as Ashton lay beneath him, breathing heavily with sleep, Calum’s head resting softly in the space between Ashton’s arm and shoulder, he was completely awake and utterly screwed. He started to panic. He told Ashton he loved him and not like how he’d done a million times before. But in the throes of passion. 

Which, guessing by Ashton’s lack of response was the wrong move. This was a huge mistake and he needed space to think right away. Calum carefully removed himself from Ashton’s arms and slipped back into his clothes. He gathered the essentials he would need back at his own home, including Duke, and quietly made his way out of Ashton’s house to drive home. Once he was settled into his own bed, Duke curled up at his feet, he sent off a text to Ashton so that come morning, he wouldn't worry. 

**_Ashton. I’m sorry. I had to leave but I think it’s for the best. I need space to think. I realize this is terrible timing considering we’re supposed to leave for London in just a few days. I’ll call you okay? xx Cal._ **

Except he didn’t call. 

Calum very pointedly ignored thinking about Ashton and the previous evening for the entire next day. It helped that he was so hungover he could barely motivate himself to roll out of bed. If it wasn’t for his housemate Roy, he’s not even sure he would have even eaten. 

Around 7:00 pm that next evening, there was a slight knock on his door, Roy entering his room with a plate of snacks: fresh fruit, cheese, crackers, other snacks he couldn’t see, and a warm smile. 

“Hey, haven’t seen you all day. I didn’t even realize you were home until I saw Duke puttering around the living room about an hour ago. When did you get in?” Calum sat up in bed, pulling his hoodie further over the mess of curls in an attempt to hide the fact they hadn’t been washed. 

“Uh, I actually got back, um... early this morning. Didn’t think you were up yet.” He said with a slight tinge of embarrassment on his cheeks. 

Roy came in and sat the plate he’d made for his housemate on the side table, sitting on the corner of Calum’s large king-size bed. 

“You and Ash okay?” Roy asked with a soft, understanding smile. 

Roy had this uncanny ability to see right through any of Calum’s lame attempts at hiding his feelings. It was an innocent enough question, but Calum bristled, feeling seen and scratching at his scalp under his hood in a nervous gesture, not meeting Roy’s eyes. 

“I mean there isn’t a ‘Me and Ash’. We’re just. Y’know? Friends.” Calum reached out for the plate in an attempt to busy himself and change the subject. 

They both knew that wasn’t completely true. Roy was one of the only people Calum had confessed his feelings for Ashton to during one of their many late-night chats. 

“Thanks for this by the way. We, uh, tied one on last night and boy was I feeling it today. Haven’t even had the energy to eat.” Calum said continuing on. Roy just stared him down and smiled again, ever patient and calm. 

“Did Ash have somewhere to be this morning? Is that why you came home so early?” His housemate probed gently, knowing that wasn’t the case, but humoring Calum’s denial anyway.

Calum popped a grape into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. He was not awake enough for such a conversation. It would be so easy to just unload on Roy. Come clean and spill his guts. Roy was always a solid, stable, sane voice of reason in Calum’s life. But he also wasn’t one to put up with Calum’s bullshit either. He always managed to find a way to politely and respectfully call him out, which was not on Calum’s list of priorities at the moment. He had to wallow some more and then definitely sleep some more and then after that maybe shower. And then also wallow in the shower. 

“It was time for me to come home. Have to start packing for tour, get Duke set up for when I’m gone. You know. Just stuff. I had some trouble sleeping last night after going out with Ash so I figured I might as well come home since I was already awake.” 

Roy reached out and gave Calum’s leg a pat over the comforter, “Your trip to London, of course! That’s the day after tomorrow right?” 

“Yeah, yeah it is. God, I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to that flight. We’re heading to New York first and then taking a red-eye from N.Y. to London. I think we even have a few hours layover? It’ll probably be brutal.” Calum responded, taking another bite of cheese and crackers. Silently grateful his housemate didn’t push the subject any further. 

“Well, it’ll be nice to spend some time with you before you leave. And you know I’ll take good care of Duke while you’re gone. nothing to worry about.” Roy said as he stood to leave, watching Calum eat a few more grapes. He paused in the doorway, turning back around to face Calum, hand on the door jam. 

“And Cal, whatever it is between you and Ash that’s keeping you up? Don’t overthink it, man. I’m sure whatever it is, you two will get through it. But the first step is to actually face him.” Calum nodded to Roy in acknowledgment, mouth still full as he closed the door quietly. 

Of course, Calum knew Roy was right. Ignoring the issue wasn’t going to solve anything. But facing it meant facing his feelings for Ashton—no, his love for Ashton—and having to process what on earth Ashton was thinking at the club the previous night. And having to process his cryptic behavior with the ‘wanting to feel’ him and ‘just letting’ him ‘have this’. It still made Calum’s head hurt or maybe that was just the hangover. 

What would this mean for their future as friends, lovers, or even more? And how would it all affect the band? Calum felt his heart rate increase as panic started to set in. See, this is why Calum was better off just putting all these feelings in a box and stuffing them way down until the end of time, or until he finally imploded from emotional constipation, whichever came first. 

But none of that changed the fact that in 48 hours he would be boarding a plane with his two best mates and Ashton, and heading out for a tour and multiple stops over the next three months. Calum sighed, picking up his phone from where it lay beside him and looking at it for the first time that day since he switched it onto silent upon his arrival home. He saw multiple messages and missed calls, all from Ashton, the earliest time-stamped at 6:00 am, meaning he must have woken up shortly after Calum left.

**_Cal, please let me explain. Come back over and we can talk._ **

He felt slightly bad for ignoring Ashton all day. It wasn’t like them to go more than a few hours without at least checking in.

**_I’m trying to give you time to think but I really think this whole thing is a misunderstanding._ **

What is there to misunderstand exactly? Calum embarrassingly said I love you the first time they hooked up and Ashton didn’t say it back. 

**_Calum please at least call me_ ** **_🙁_ **

If Ashton was using emojis he must have been feeling desperate.

**_I don’t wanna do this in a text but I think you at least need to know I’m sorry. That was extremely irresponsible of me..._ **

And there it was. What Calum had feared all along. Rejection. 

At that, he stopped reading. Whatever followed... he didn’t want to face it. If all he could have was a drunken one night stand then it would have to do. But he wasn’t going to let said love of his life ruin whatever small amount of good feelings he had left about the situation. He put his phone back on silent and made his way from his room to the kitchen, plate in hand to put in the dishwasher, and then head to the bathroom for a shower. 

He could at least rinse away the memories in an attempt to actually get some sleep that night and maybe, just maybe, be ready to face Ashton in the morning. 

Calum did not face Ashton in the morning. Or any morning for that matter. Not during the two days before they flew to London or at all during their flights. He'd meant to talk to Ashton before their time in L.A. was up. He did. Really. But he was a giant coward. 

He figured that if this was all he was going to get, he might as well enjoy it, savor it, like you would the last bite of your favorite cupcake. 

But facing Ashton meant the perfect fantasy he’d come up with in his head would be shattered. Still, he’d somehow managed to avoid Ashton successfully even though he did eventually have to coordinate with the other boys and tour manager on the flight details. 

Which is how Calum found himself sitting in the green room of the BBC Radio 1 studio, eyes closed, and reliving the nightmare of a scenario he’d gotten himself into. Calum tried to tell himself that the awkward tension he’d been feeling was most definitely all in his head and one-sided anyway. But he knew that was utter bullshit. He could practically feel Ashton’s eyes burning holes into the side of his head from where he sat on the opposite side of the love seat. 

All because of the exchange they’d had that morning at the breakfast bar of the hotel. 

Calum was lost in thought as he stood unmoving in front of the fruit tray deciding between an orange or a banana, when Ashton seized the opportunity to sneak up on him. 

“Calum, please listen, before you say anything I have to get this out. That’s not how that was supposed to go okay. I-” he paused thoughtfully, hand reaching out to still Calum’s as it went for the banana. Calum turned to face Ashton, face full of sudden hostility, pulling his hand back as if he’d been burned. 

“Let’s just not okay. You made it pretty clear how you feel in your texts, Ashton. I get it. We were both drunk and not in our right minds. It doesn’t have to mean anything. We can just let it go and get back to how it was before.” Calum said, not meeting Ashton’s eyes.

“Cal please, we need to talk.  _ I  _ need to talk. Let me explain.” Ashton said, barreling forward as if Calum had said nothing. 

“When you said...What you did that night. I realized I’d made a huge mistake. I thought we could just hook up and it wouldn’t be a big deal. I mean hell, we’ve been doing it with other people for months. I just didn’t realize. I’m sorry, Cal. I never would have led you on. I never would have done that if I’d known how you felt.” Ashton looked like he was in physical pain as his words staggered out awkwardly. 

Calum stood with his arms folded across his chest, not quite believing what he was hearing, 

“The fact that you would do it at all is enough, Ash. The rest is just salt on the wound. I don’t know why I thought that maybe, just maybe there was more between us than just friendship. I was being naive I guess, let myself play house a little too long. But don’t worry about it okay. I get it. I’m practically over it anyway.” Calum turned, leaving Ashton and heading out towards the van that waited to take them to the studio. 

Calum shook himself from the memory, opening his eyes and stretching his arms above his head in an attempt to rid himself of the stiffness that had settled in during their time of waiting. It was then that the producer walked into the greenroom, announcing it was time for their performance and showed them into the recording studio. Calum stood first, leading the way with Luke and Michael following behind, pocketing their phones, and Ashton falling in line last. Their performance was a success. More than that, it was beautiful and emotional and probably one of the best covers they’d put out in a long time. But Calum’s heart broke all over again singing the lines to his verse.

_ I wasn't even goin' out tonight (out tonight) _

_ But, boy, I need to get you off of my mind (off of my mind) _

_ I know exactly what I have to do _

_ I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight _

As the performance ended and their crew arrived to start breaking down the equipment that had been brought in for their playing purposes, the boys were shuffled on to the next interview stop. In the van, Calum followed Michael into the back; Luke and Ashton taking the two seats in front, leaving the middle seats in between them empty. As Caum let his head rest against the cool window of the van, he unsuccessfully blinked back tears, his own words playing in his head—‘ _ I’m practically over it anyway’— _ that was the farthest thing from the truth. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get over it. How was he going to get over loving Ashton when he only just realized his feelings for him? It wasn’t fair. 

How had he let himself get so caught up in playing pretend with Ashton that he hadn’t even realized how far gone he’d become? Looking back on the last few months, it was easy to see now. And all in the same breath it was gone. Because Ashton didn’t feel the same way in return. Why would he? Calum didn’t even realize Ashton was attracted to men at all, let alone Calum. 

Ashton was attracted to him enough obviously, the bitter memory of their night together simultaneously making Calum both wanton and embarrassed. He’d just have to figure out how to keep going on like everything was fine. If this affected the band in any way, it would send Calum over the edge. He and Ashton were professional enough that it wouldn’t be hard to manage, right? 

The anxiety of it all spilled over as a near-silent sob escaped Calum’s lips. But it was enough to gather Michael’s attention. 

“Cal, what’s going on? You’re clearly not alright, haven’t been all morning, and now you’re crying? Come on out with it,” Michael turned his body towards his best friend, a look of concern occupying his face. 

Calum sniffled as quietly as possible and used the sleeve of his trench coat to wipe the tears away from his cheeks. He didn’t even bother to look at Michael, just left his head leaning against the van window as rain intermittently started to hit the glass. How fitting.

“Ash and I,” he squeaked out, voice coming out as barely a whisper. “We hooked up just before the trip, and then I told him I loved him and he didn’t say it back. Which would have been bad enough except we fought about it this morning and I’m such an idiot, Michael. I can’t believe I let myself get here. I gotta figure out a way to get him off my mind.” 

Calum couldn’t even bring himself to care that he was essentially outing both himself and Ashton to Michael. He couldn’t keep dealing with this on his own. Not when he was losing his friend and love of his life all at the same time. 

Michael reached out, grabbing Calum’s hand in his own. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. We’ll figure it out together. In fact, when we’re all done for the day if you want to have a cuddle for old time’s sake, you can come back to my room and we’ll find some trash T.V.to watch and order room service. And when you’re ready we can talk more, okay?” 

Calum braved to face Michael, eyes puffy and bloodshot. 

“I think I’d like that.” A tentative smile on his face. 

Calum wasn’t sure what kind of response he expected from Michael but it wasn’t that. Maybe a lecture on their stupidity, not thinking how it might affect Ashton and Calum’s friendship or even surprise. Surprised that either of them would put the band at risk. But he was appreciative of the blind support Michael showed him, their deep bond of friendship prevailing over whatever sense of duty either of them felt to the band. 

The rest of the day followed in a similar fashion, Michael tending to Calum while Luke managed to keep Ashton mostly distracted and preoccupied. Calum knew the barrier the other two bandmates created was a temporary fix for a long term problem. But he reminded himself that it didn’t have to all be solved today. All Calum had to do was get through the next few hours and reward himself with a night in with his best friend. 

Later on that night, after Calum and Michael had eaten their weight in pizza and watched reruns of ‘Family Guy’, Calum told Michael everything that happened with Ashton. 

When it was all said and done, and Calum felt like he didn't have any tears left to cry, he surprisingly felt better, a weight seemingly lifted off his shoulders. Michael reminded him that underneath Ashton's goofy, jovial exterior, which he often used to protect his heart from the possibility of being hurt, Ashton's love for his friends ran deep. And underneath everything the pair had been through, Ashton and Calum were friends first. 

Even though it might take a while for them to get back there, in the meantime they wouldn't have to do it alone. Together, Michael and Calum had come up with a plan to help Calum get through the rest of the tour while keeping their obligations, but minimizing the amount of alone time he'd have with Ashton. 

As he returned to his own room and lay down, Calum knew that everything was going to be okay even if he didn't know how at the moment. 

**_3 months later - last day of the tour._ **

After they played their last show that night, Calum, Ashton, Michael, and Luke would all make their way home back to Los Angeles. 

Which wouldn’t be too long of a distance, considering they were already in San Francisco. Michael and Luke had managed to keep playing human barriers for their other two bandmates for the remainder of the tour, and while it wasn’t perfect it had worked. 

Ashton and Calum and gotten back to a place of familiarity in a short amount of time, considering just a matter of months prior, Calum was sure nothing would ever be the same again. It wasn’t anywhere near perfect or fixed by any means. But it finally felt like they’d come to a place where they could rebuild back to where they had once been. 

Even if Ashton never felt the same, Calum knew his love for the man wouldn’t be so easily shaken. He felt slightly foolish still pining for Ashton when he seemingly had no intentions to return Calum’s affections. 

But Calum had come to accept that the heart wants what it wants even when it doesn’t make sense or makes life difficult. Plus, if anything, the entire experience taught him that their friendship was still the most important thing to each of them, and together, the four of them could overcome whatever came their way. 


End file.
